literature

About You Section

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Literature Text

About You

I realize I never filled this section out.

But what do I say here? What do I put?

I don't even know myself.

I look in the mirror and I see this girl. A sweet young innocent girl. With no flaws with no mistakes. A clean slate. A girl with no past. She smiles at me. She taunts me. She makes fun of all my mistakes. All my flaws. My past. She tells me how much of a failure I am. How much I messed up. How horrible I am. How horrible I look.

And then I blink. I look away. And when I look back I see this tormented girl. More tormented than anything I have ever seen. She's crying. She begs me to end everything.

I can't do this. I can't hurt her. She's beautiful. But those sad eyes. The hurt carved into her features. The mistakes. The imperfections. Everything ripping her apart.

I step back from that mirror. I finish what I'm doing and I leave. I get called beautiful almost daily. But that girl... she won't allow me to except this. The perfect one just laughs tauntingly.

I try to smile. I try to seem like everything is okay. Like /I'm/ okay. Like everything around me isn't falling apart. That my dad isn't dying. That my mother isn't a controlling monster. That her boyfriend isn't the monster I know him to be. I bring up everyone's spirits. Wipe away everyone's tears.

And then I come home. I go to my room. And that's when I lose it.

I stare back at that mirror. The perfect girl... the young pretty one. She was me. The naive innocent girl with no mistakes. The girl I shut away because I hated her. I close my eyes and when I look back, I see the tormented one.

I stare.

And I stare.

And it finally comes to me.

I remember those scars. I look at my wrist. I remember those bruises. I think back to James. To Michael. To Aiden. To CJ. To Joey. I remember the tears. The beatings. The drugs. The itching. The silent screams of help. The small light of hope at the end of the tunnel.

I locked her away as well. But she always comes back to haunt me. The other comes back to torment me.

They both are horrible reminders of my past.

So I couldn't tell you who I am now. Because I 'm still trying to find that out. I'm still digging in the dirt to find that small piece of me that went missing. The piece that becomes me. The piece that is me.

And I want to be normal.

I want to feel pretty without compliments.

I want to feel confident.

I want to look at myself and see me. Not the demons in my head.

I don't want to feel that pain anymore.

I don't want that daily reminder of my mistakes.

For now, I can tell you one thing. My name is Britney Kristine. Also known as Selvaina Alice Evans. I'm 17 years young. I'm growing stronger every day. And slowly, brick by brick, I'm tearing my walls down. I'm letting more people in. I'm trusting more, with a caution of course.

And I'm ready to start brand new.

I'm ready to continue my search.

"Did some things you can't speak of, but at night you live it all again.
You wouldn't be shattered on the floor now if only you would seen what you know now then." -Taylor Swift
I never fill out the "About Me" or "About You" sections because I don't know myself.

So this is what came to my mind.

This is me.

Innocent (c) Taylor Swift
© 2012 - 2024 thelustygiraffe
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